It was a beautiful fall day, my usual daily task included getting my husband out the door for work and taking care of our 3 month-old baby girl. Life was simple and yet oddly complicated.
I placed my morning phone call to my dad…but that day he didn’t answer. I tried for several hours to get in touch with him. I knew deep within my heart that something was very wrong, my dad was the man who would get out of the shower to answer the phone, he never left me waiting. He was always there.
Being three states away left me helpless.
They didn’t know what happened…if it was a stroke or heart attack, but for now he was alive. I fell to my knees and cried out to God in a way I never had…I was daddy’s little girl. He was my greatest friend.
We found out within hours he suffered a brain aneurysm and was fighting for his life. I needed him to wait, to hold on…I needed to get there. There were words that needed to be spoken, there were things that needed to be whispered.
By the time our flight landed he was already gone.
This same date haunts me every year. Three years later we found out we were expecting baby number two…a perfect ultra sound and a due date of 10/10/10. We felt like God was redeeming such an awful day in our lives. Redeeming it with new life. That precious baby became and angel at 12 weeks. The grief was too much…too hard.
I am certainly not writing these words for you to feel sorry for me…my words come from a very difficult place, the scars that grief has left. But I know I am not alone, I know that so many of us carry the same scars of grief. Grief will happen in our lives…There are days when painful grief washes over us, maybe as we remember or maybe as we unexpectedly have to live it out. I am sure you are thinking…what on earth does this have to do with embracing God’s pace? But part of God’s pace in this life includes grief. If we walk this earth long enough we will all feel it, we will all experience it. Grief will come.
But God helps us learn what to do with it. In His pace, grief is not meant to speed us up, but to slow us down. Grief overwhelms us, but it always brings us back to the Master…because He is our greatest source of comfort and hope. Every year when I begin to write in my prayer journal, just writing the date produces a wall of tears…unrestrained emotion because it is still a spot in my heart that aches.
But in God’s pace, the grief slows me and reminds me to reach higher than the hurt of my heart. The ultimate purpose of God’s pace is to leave us reaching to Him for our needs.