I don’t often jump on a blog post at the last second, there are usually days of planning, drafting and polishing before it even pops up on your screen.
However, my heart is heavy, and there are words that I need to write to you, there are things to say.
As of 10:30 p.m. this evening I will have officially spent one decade without my dad, ten years.
Typing that out twice doesn’t do much for you, but it is difficult for me to fathom how on earth I have spent the last ten years without him when I spent a lifetime growing up believing I never could. I was the daughter who believed naively that parents are supposed to live forever, I never thought one would be snatched away in my very early twenties. I took them for granted; I took the time I had in front of me for granted believing that he would be with me forever.
I missed moments because I failed to see the brevity of life in front of me.
I could dwell in what I wish had been, or what wasn’t. I see Father’s and Daughter’s together and long for that, Grandfather’s and grandchildren and I ache for that. I am completely unglued today missing him.
I read a verse of Scripture this morning from Psalm 119:92 “If your instruction had not been my delight, I would have died in my affliction.” In other words, if my heart had not been set on the truth of God’s Word and His love for me, this grief would have taken me under. I may grieve, but I grieve with hope. There may be days of sorrow, but I can still be filled with joy because God is greater.
I never believed I would survive if I lost my dad, but I have. By grace alone.
Grieving without hope is anguish to the soul, but grieving with the hope of Christ brings life in our deepest pain.
I don’t know what you are going through today, but God sees you. He hears you. He loves you.
You will survive, He will make sure of it.