There is an irony in a conference for writers and speakers that leaves you speechless. Not speechless in a bad way but speechless in a way that I cannot fully describe the magnitude of what God did in those three days.
I did not walk into She Speaks last week with over the top expectations. I truly walked through those doors in hopes to hear from God and He would show me that I am not alone in a calling that can at times feel so very lonely. I needed affirmation that I was doing what He has asked me to do.
My heart is rushing after God and this calling that He has placed upon my life to write words…to speak words…words that come from Him, through me. Words that hold meaning and purpose… words that bring life to those around me. Words that when left unsaid will bore a giant hole directly through my body just so they can escape. My message may not be one that will draw thousands but I know God has given me a message for someone, even if it is just for one.
So many feelings have burrowed their way into my soul these last few weeks, those feelings brought me to She Speaks…to a place with women who get me, who understand my heart and my purpose…who know the feeling of flying blind and struggling for words…who know what it feels like when others don’t get it. God knew without a doubt that this is where my heart needed to be as I walk out this calling.
He knew that I needed to be reminded to not neglect my family, that they too are my ministry…
I needed to be reminded that I am chasing hard after God and He is simply using me to deliver a message…
I needed to be reminded that this calling is incredible, magnificent and it will be fully shaped just as God wants it to be not how I want it to be…
I needed to be reminded that even when it is uncomfortable or feels impossible, it is then that I will see what God can do.
My heart is pounding, my eyes are tired but, I am strangely invigorated and ready to run. I am worn but I am empowered. God has met me in this place of that there is no doubt. I have watched Him as He answered the prayers of my heart and spoke peace to me. He has filled dry places that where cracked and broken. He has lifted me out of discouragement and spoken grace to my heart.
As I sat in a workshop on Friday, God reminded me that I am not chasing a ‘what’…not a book, not a speaking opportunity, not words…but I am chasing Him.